​​ Before You Stuff a Single Stocking, Listen to This [Episode 38]

 

[00:00:00]

Welcome to the Holiday Head Start Podcast, where we get intentional about kicking overwhelm to the curb and bringing the joy back to your holidays and every day. I’m Heidi. And I’m Emily. We’re two sisters and former elementary school teachers who’ve taken the simple strategies and practical tips we mastered in the classroom and put them to work in our personal lives.

And we are here to help you do the same. Join us each week as we share how with a little planning and a little prep, you can ensure that the days that make life special don’t become the days that make you stressed. You can check out the show [email protected]. Ready to get a headstart on your holidays.

Let’s go.

Heidi: Hey there, friends. Welcome back to the Holiday Headstart podcast. Today we are talking about all things stalking [00:01:00] related and sharing a get ahead tip for tackling a Christmas Eve task now.

Emily: But first, we have a tradition Spotlight Traditions are an important tool in building a healthy, happy, connected life.

This week we have a tradition from Heidi,

Heidi: so if you are someone who likes Christmas caroling or you’re someone who has wanted to go Christmas caroling, try putting a spin on it with Kao caroling. My neighbors did this to me last year and it was such a fun surprise. They’re a musical family, so when they said they wanted to come by, I was prepared for a whole musical production.

Yes, I stood at the door awkwardly for some of those caroling performances, but then I opened the door and they bused out their kazoos and sing. No, you don’t sing on the kazoo. You play. You play a Kao. Yeah, you play you. And they were playing jingle balls on the kazoo. And I laugh so hard.

Emily: I love this because it’s a low stress way to get [00:02:00] reluctant participants involved since there’s no pressure to sound good.

Everyone sounds terrible on kazoos. That’s kind of the point. So the focus can just be on having fun.

Heidi: And it really does cut down on the uncomfortableness of standing there while people sing at you. It’s worse than your birthday if you’re someone who doesn’t like being sung to you on your birthday.

’cause Christmas songs are long. But this, you

Emily: know what would make this even better though, . Because kazoos are cheap. If you brought a kazoo to the person who answers the door Yes. So they can join you. I love it. All right. Well, I’ll put it on the calendar for this year. Perfect. If you like this idea, make sure to come join us on Instagram at the holiday head start, so we can talk about all of the fun seasonal ideas.

Today we’re diving deep into all things Christmas stockings like Christmas trees, these are one part of the holidays that we just take for granted. They can become such a normal part of the celebration that it’s easy to forget. They actually deserve some time and attention. Yeah.

Heidi: In fact, [00:03:00] stockings were just such a given that when I was making pages for the holiday headstart playbook, it did not even cross my mind to make a page about stocking priorities.

It wasn’t until the day after Christmas last year when my threads feed was full of these empty stocking moms talking about their disappointments, that I realized that I had overlooked a big part of the holidays and

Emily: I have been an empty stocking to moms.

So, and this is why we’re talking about this now, well before the holiday rush, having these conversations early gives you space to think about what you’d like stockings to look like in your home and to set things up so everyone feels included and cared for when December arrives.

Heidi: Now before we get to the hard stuff, let’s look at the bigger picture.

Even though this seems simple on the surface, without a clear vision, stockings can stir up a surprising amount of tension. So we’re walking

Emily: you through six areas to consider when it comes to stockings. Five big categories to help you get clear on what you want. Plus a [00:04:00] bonus section for what to do if your stocking ends up empty.

Heidi: But you know where we’re gonna start? We’re gonna start where we always start with the why. Before you buy a single stocking stuffer, pause and ask, do I even wanna do stockings this year? What role do they play in your holiday celebration? Do they elevate what you’re doing, or do they feel like one more thing on an already full to-do list?

Emily: Getting clear on your why helps everything else fall into place. And remember, if it’s not working for you anymore, you’re allowed to skip it or reinvent it. Maybe your kids are old enough to help out. Maybe you put your own spin on things and start hanging holiday mittens on the mantle.

Heidi: Those would be much easier to fill. Or maybe you take the money that you would’ve spent on stockings and fill a big bag with pet supplies to donate to your local animal shelter. There are no stalking police, and you are allowed to do whatever you want with this tradition.

Emily: Yes, as usual, the rules are made up.

People may have big feelings about your decision and they’re allowed to feel however they feel, [00:05:00] but unless they are stepping up to do the work, it’s totally your recall.

Heidi: Now the second thing to consider about stockings is who’s included? Are they just for kids? Do adults get them too?

Are you doing them for pets? What about guests who happened to be with you on Christmas morning?

Emily: And just as important, who’s in charge of filling them? Stocking traditions lose their sparkle when the giving isn’t balanced or when one person ends up carrying all the responsibility.

Heidi: Yeah, nobody wants that. So this is where it helps to get clear on your vision and make sure everyone’s on the same page. You might decide to assign stocking partners, rotate names, and even suggest that everyone buy one thing to contribute to everyone else’s stockings.

But again, it’s only works if you talk about it now and not on Christmas Eve.

Emily: Yeah, so make a list of what needs to be discussed and be brave enough to have the necessary conversations. That way you make sure everyone feels included and cared for.

Heidi: All right. Let’s talk about the third area of stockings [00:06:00] to consider, and that’s style and setting.

Are stockings part of your holiday decor? Are they up all season or do they only come out on Christmas Eve? Is it important to you that all of the stockings match? You know, some families want picture perfect coordination. Others love a stocking that tells its own story. Either way, it helps to know what matters to you.

Emily: And where your stockings hung. Are they on the mantle? If you have a mantle, are they with the presents on Christmas morning or are they found someplace else, like the foot of the bed? These are little details, but the little details add up.

Heidi: So here’s where you can apply a great lesson from teaching. When you are a teacher, you need to make hundreds of decisions about how your classroom should run.

So Emily, why don’t you share a list of all of the details that go into something as simple as getting your class to line up.

Emily: Oh, so simple getting your class to line up. Right. Well, let’s see. You have to figure out what should students do with their materials before lining up?

How [00:07:00] should they show you? They’re ready to line up. How will students be called to line up? Where do they line up in the classroom? Is there one liner? Two? Is there an assigned line order? How is that communicated? How should students stand in the line? What happens when someone cuts in line? Is there a line leader?

How is the line leader chosen? What are the leaders’ responsibilities? How will students demonstrate that they’re ready to walk in the hall?

Heidi: Okay, that’s 13 necessary decisions just to cover. The two minutes it takes to get a class to line up,

Emily: and they haven’t even put a foot into the hallway yet. So it’s understandable why a lot of teachers just default to whatever system they grew up using.

Heidi: Yeah. When things feel overwhelming, default decisions feel like the simplest option. However, if you have never stopped to consider everything that goes into making the system work, when a problem arises, you won’t know how to pinpoint which part of the system is broken.

Emily: So what does all this have to do with stockings? Whether you consciously stop to [00:08:00] consider what works for you, or you just default to what you grew up with, you’re still making a choice.

Heidi: But if you are just relying on a default choice, you run the risk of yearly headaches and resentments. That 10 minutes of considering your options could eliminate.

Emily: Yeah, so stop now and consider if what you’ve been doing is working for you, and if not what you’d like to see change. You can use the stocking reflection page in the holiday Headstart playbook to record your thoughts.

Heidi: And you know, while we’re clarifying expectations, let’s look at another aspect of stockings that can cause headaches.

The cost.

Emily: Oh, yes. Stockings can sneak up on your budget. Five tiny gifts per person sounds easy until you multiply it by six people and realize you’ve spent $200. Ouch.

Heidi: So ask, do you have a price cap, a size limit? Should everything fit inside the stocking or are overflow gifts? Okay.

Emily: And what’s the vibe? Do you want sentimental or useful?

[00:09:00] Are socks and hair products fair game? Is it okay to include gift cards or snacks? Are things supposed to be cute and fun or practical?

Heidi: And special stocking stuffers are one of those things that we assume everyone is on the same page about, but when we rely on assumptions. But if something is emotionally weighted as stockings, we’re just asking resentment to build up.

Emily: Yeah, if you grew up in a household where diamond earrings were considered a stocking sufferer because they’re small, but you married someone who grew up getting toothbrushes in their stockings, that’s going to create some conflict unless you talk about it.

Heidi: So setting those boundaries ahead of time keeps things fair and affordable and you know, it helps everyone to stay on the same page.

And we

Emily: definitely grew up in more of a toothbrush house, I guess you could say. Definitely more than a diamond ear house, definitely. But even though our stockings had a few practical items, our mom really did do a good job finding lots of little surprises without breaking the bank. So opening stockings was like a big part of the [00:10:00] day.

Heidi: It really was a whole separate part of our Christmas morning celebration because our stockings were so special. And if you are worried that your loved ones or your kids in particular won’t be excited to find a new comb in their stocking, we are here to attest that practical gifts don’t detract from the fun

Emily: yet within reason.

Of course, yes, a stocking that’s full of socks and underwear would be a bummer, but don’t be afraid to round things out with a few practical gifts.

Heidi: This is a great way to stretch your Christmas budget. You’re gonna have to buy new socks and razors for people anyway, so just add those to a few fun surprises and your stockings are stuffed without breaking the bank.

It’s like that joke, how

Emily: when a kid asks for something, you know that they’re out of mom, I’m out of mechanical pencils or whatever, and it’s in November, and you’re like, well, it’ll have to go on your Christmas list. Yes, exactly. Put it in the stocking. Okay. Our fifth category of stocking questions is timing and tradition.

When are stockings opened in your house? First thing in the morning before breakfast after [00:11:00] presents.

Heidi: And does everyone open theirs at the same time or take turns and do stocking stuffers get wrapped. These are questions worth revisiting every year or two. If your kids who were just tiny two seconds ago are now giant teenagers, you might wanna rearrange your Christmas morning routine.

Emily: Yeah, it’s crazy how quickly it can shift. Maybe you didn’t wrap any stocking gifts when you had a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old, but now that they’re 14 and 16, wrapping their stocking stuffers might make Christmas morning feel more exciting, or, you know, it could just make them annoyed.

Heidi: It can go either way with teenagers.

So it might take a bit of experimenting to figure out what brings back the magic to this phase of life. But if stockings matter to you, it’s worth the effort.

Emily: Now we need to pivot to something a little more sensitive.

What happens when you, like me, you wake up on Christmas morning and every stocking is filled with thoughtful surprises except for yours.

Heidi: Yeah, maybe yours is the only empty stocking in the row. Or maybe it isn’t empty, but it’s filled with things that don’t exactly [00:12:00] stay thoughtful. I saw one woman online who shared that her stocking only held men’s deodorant, zip ties, and a bottle of magnesium tablets.

Oh my gosh.

Emily: Uh, it feels so unfair, and this thing is real, especially when you’ve worked so hard to make Christmas magical for everyone else.

Heidi: And I think a lot of women try to brush it off because, we’re adults and we don’t wanna feel like we’re too focused on gifts. And yes, we know gifts are not the most important thing, but the truth is that a stalking really isn’t about the gifts, it’s about being remembered.

Emily: Absolutely. So, if this has happened to you, or you’re worried it might, here are four ways to care for yourself and to handle the disappointment with grace.

Heidi: The first strategy is to have the conversation before the season gets busy. Explain what stockings mean to you and why they matter. Use those I statements that we’re supposed to be using.

Yeah,

Emily: you could say, I feel really loved when someone feels a stalking for me, and when my stalking is forgotten, I feel forgotten.

Heidi: So a woman I follow on Instagram [00:13:00] shared that she had had that conversation with her husband last fall, and I’m going to read her post because I think it’s helpful.

She says, just had the talk with my husband. I said, I’ve worked really hard on the magic for our kids. I would really, really love it if my stocking is filled with little goodies from you instead of me filling my own this year. I cut my husband a lot of slack because we were raised with very different Christmas traditions, and I have seen a lot of improvement over the years.

Towards the end of the conversation I said, I’ll be very disappointed if my stocking is empty. To me, that means you don’t care about my feelings. I’ve communicated my desires, and now it’s up to him to fulfill. Literally, he has one job. Can’t help but feel some anxiety about it, though I know he hasn’t shopped yet and we are only a week away, so it’s too late to order anything.

Emily: Ugh, having that kind of honesty with your partner can feel vulnerable, but it also makes your needs clear, and even then, things don’t always turn out the way we want.

Heidi: Yeah. Unfortunately I follow her page and she never posted an [00:14:00] update. And then I went back to check

before we recorded this episode, and she has since removed that post. And that to me is a reminder that even when we are brave enough to communicate clearly, people don’t always follow through. And if you are in that same boat, then this second strategy might be helpful, and that is to set gentle boundaries.

Emily: So if you’ve expressed your wishes and someone still doesn’t participate, it’s okay to step back with what you do for their stalking. You are not trying to punish them. It’s about matching effort. You can’t keep pour energy into a situation that leaves you feeling hurt.

Heidi: Now for some people that might mean choosing not to fill that other person stalking anymore.

For others it might mean continuing to do it anyway because you take joy in filling a stalking even if that attention isn’t reciprocated.

Emily: And either way, we are cheering you on. The important thing is choosing the option that protects your peace and prevents resentment.

Heidi: The third strategy is to include yourself on purpose.

That could mean filling your own stocking with treats that you will truly enjoy things that feel like [00:15:00] pampering, not, you know, zip ties and deodorant.

Emily: Or if filling your own stocking feels like just one more thing on your plate. You could try a different approach. Maybe you want to draw names with some friends or sisters and fill stockings for each other, or do it favorite thing style, and have everyone bring one or two of their favorite things to fill each other’s stockings with.

Heidi: I loved a story from a woman on threads who said, I solved this problem by doing an annual thriftmas exchange with my three friends. Everything is thrifted something from your attic or something you made. It doesn’t cost much, but we put so much thought into it and it’s wonderful little treats from my ride or die crew.

Emily: Oh, that’s so cute. Your stocking tradition can be whatever you make it. If what you’re doing now is causing you pain, this is your permission slip to reinvent this in any way that works for you. Get creative and make this a joyful part of your celebrations.

Heidi: Sometimes the most healing thing is to turn outward, surprise someone else who might also have an empty stocking, like a single parent or someone who has a deployed spouse. Channeling your energy into caring for them [00:16:00] can lift your own heart too.

Emily: And finally, our fourth strategy for dealing with stocking disappointment is to feel it and then let it go. It’s okay to be sad even on Christmas. You don’t have to minimize it or swallow it, And you are not selfish. We’re expecting your partner to care for your wishes and to do the adult thing that you are also doing that is not asking too much of another adult.

Heidi: Yeah, but don’t carry that sadness alone.

Name it. Write about it, share it with a trusted friend. And then when you’re ready, decide what kind of energy you want to carry going forward.

Emily: Yep. You can acknowledge the disappointment and still find hope, love, and laughter in your holiday celebration.

Heidi: So as we move into this holiday season, take time to reflect what needs to be said, shifted, or released so that you feel included and cared for this year.

’cause you deserve to be remembered too.

Emily: We’d love to hear about your stocking traditions. You can connect with us on Instagram at the holiday head start. [00:17:00] Now it’s time for a get a Head Start tip. Each week we leave you with a small actionable tip to help you get started on your holiday planning. This week’s get a head start.

Tip is order pajamas. Tell us more about it, Heidi.

Heidi: Well, if you’re someone who likes cute Christmas jammies, this is your friendly reminder. Maybe stronger than a reminder, uh, nudge to get those ordered now before things sell out and, and we don’t, you do two pairs of Christmas jammies. Yeah.

Emily: I don’t recommend it.

I’m not saying anybody should do this, but that is what I do because we did it on Christmas Eve growing up, and so for me that is an absolute must have on Christmas Eve.

Heidi: I found that even as an adult, when I buy new pajamas, even if it’s like. April, and I’m sleeping in new pajamas. It feels like Christmas Eve because

Emily: it’s

Heidi: so

Emily: ingrained in my head.

Yeah, that is a big deal. So I’m not willing to give that up. But then I started doing December 1st boxes, which would have things in it that you can enjoy all month, and it felt like, well, it would be cute to have a pair of Christmas pajamas that you can start wearing on [00:18:00] December 1st and wear them all month.

That actually makes way. It does make more sense. Yeah, it totally makes more sense. I should have switched to just doing it December 1st, but I just couldn’t give it up on Christmas Eve because it’s too ingrained in our traditions. So I do two pairs, but I do. Try to do the pair that I do for December 1st.

I look for the best deal I can get, and I’m not always concerned about if they match or anything like that. Whereas Christmas Eve, I’m more likely to spring for a nicer pair or go for a matching set for the family. But this year I just tried to get deals on all of it. I do have all the jammies already.

Oh, yay. But I went for deals, there’s always good pajama deals this time of year. Yeah. So smart.

Heidi: And , you never take more photos in one time as you do on Christmas morning. So yeah, it’s sort of having something that kids look cute in. And obviously you could get the nice jammies on December 1st. ’cause it’s not like they’re gonna be all faded by Christmas Eve, but that means on Christmas Eve you’re having to make sure everybody’s pajamas are clean and you can find everybody’s tops and [00:19:00] bottoms and all the pieces.

Emily: Exactly. That was a big reason why I didn’t just move to December 1st. There was the tradition of feeling like you need to have new jammies on December 24th, but a big part of it was like, I don’t know that I can track down all those jammies clean at the same time. Before Christmas, just knowing my own laundry issues at our house, I’m just not gonna set myself up for that kind of stress on Christmas Eve.

So it’s much easier to have brand new ones to go. And like you said, you’re taking a million pictures on Christmas and so I love that I can see them all on their matching jammies or coordinating jammies or whatever on Christmas morning. So it’s worth it for me to do both.

Heidi: And yeah, that could be a real handy hack for some people.

Yep. As a way to keep ourselves accountable and give you some ideas of what you can do in advance for your own celebrations. We’re sharing what’s on our to-do list. Emily, what are you working on this week?

Emily: I’ve started figuring out books for Jolabokaflod. Ooh. Because I’m not going to be scrambling to get books the day of the event this year because I ended up at Barnes and Noble on Christmas Eve.

[00:20:00] Oh, I do not recommend it.

Heidi: Well, you probably need to explain Jolabokaflod ’cause I don’t know if we’ve talked about that.

Emily: Uh, have we not? I swear we have, but that’s our Christmas book, flood lunch. It is an Icelandic tradition, right Heidi? Yes. Of giving books and eating chocolate with the people you love on.

They do it on Christmas Eve, right? Yes, and we have done it on Christmas Eve in the past. More recently, we have shifted it to a different day, close to Christmas, so that we just have, the fun spread out a little bit more. Christmas Eve is busy and stressful enough, , but we gift each other books and treats and then we hang out and read books and turn the fireplace on, and it is a delightful day.

Especially now that the kids are old enough to go for longer than 10 minutes at a

Heidi: time. Yes.

Emily: I mean, the youngest is still questionable, but her attention span’s about four minutes. I think we did over an hour last year, so we’re getting there. Yes. Yeah, she’s growing. It’s

Heidi: lovely.

It’s one of my favorite moments because it’s like an exhale in the middle of all the craziness. Leading up to [00:21:00] Christmas. So

Emily: yeah. And there’s so many traditions you can add to your December that are special, but also can make things feel more crazy. This is one of those traditions you can add where you’re literally scheduling in time to read and relax and be quiet.

Yes. And eat chocolate. So I mean, what’s not to love? Yeah.

Heidi: And we do a little like make your own pizza bar for lunch. Yep. It’s pretty simple, but it’s. Might be my

Emily: favorite tradition at this point. Yeah, I think it might be too. ’cause it’s like one that you don’t feel rung out after you do all the prep for, it’s not so stressful and then you just enjoy it.

Yes. Time. What are you working on, Heidi?

Heidi: Well, I need to prepare tags for our neighbor gifts. ’cause I did the thing I always do where I tackled the part of the project that was stressing me out, making the pages for, we’re making like a little printable game. So I got all that printed, I tracked down the dice we needed.

So in my head, this task is done. Yeah. And it wasn’t until this morning I was like. Oh, I never made gift tags for this. I don’t have any, dang [00:22:00] it. Yep. So I gotta figure that out. I’m putting that out there now, so I actually get it done and we’re not scrambling on like December 12th.

Emily: And if I could give anyone a hack for doing neighbor gifts, it’s to have a sister that will give the same gifts as you and do most of the work preparing it.

So that then you don’t have to do very much, but you have something cute to give your neighbors. So really highly recommend that one. If you can get a sister that will do most of the work for you.

Heidi: Well, I’m only willing to do the work because you benefit as well, so,

Emily: well, it works out then I guess.

Heidi: All right.

To wrap up the show, we’re sharing what’s on our nice list.

Emily: Emily, what’s on your nice list? I’m putting the flow art creative kits from Lifelines on my nice list. So this is the grownup company from the original creators of Melissa and Doug And the toys? Yeah. ’cause they’ve sold that company now and this is their new thing.

And they are the cutest. Kits that are designed to be like a guided meditation while you create, so [00:23:00] for the flow art, they have illuminate and create coloring books that use markers in a UV light. And then they have color and stamp by pattern or by letter or by shape. Those kind of, design activities.

And then they’ve got flow craft kits, and those are things like. Paper, flower Bouquet making. There’s one where you make a little lantern out of these glass tiles, and it has a little battery powered lantern inside. And my teen loves these, which is so funny because. She loved Melissa and Doug Crafts when she was a kid.

So these have been so great to give to her for gift giving occasions. She just got the fall UV light coloring a couple months ago for her half birthday. And I just got a deal on the cord wrapped Planters Craft kit. So you wrap the planters and you put faux rocks and, succulents in it and make these cute little planters for your shelf.

I got her that for Christmas on a deal even so. I just [00:24:00] think it’s such a good company, fun stuff, especially for teens or adults, and, , might be a good idea when you’re doing Christmas shopping.

Heidi: Yeah, that’s a handy gift idea. And also, one of our favorite tips is to plan a recovery kit for, you know, helping yourself bounce back after a stressful event like planning Christmas.

Mm-hmm. So this could be something like, if this sounds like something you would enjoy, set one aside for you to do on December 27th and put your feet up. Enjoy the moment. Yeah. I love it. What’s on your nice list, Heidi? Well, I am putting the Lazy Genius Podcast, episode 4, 4 2 called Thoughtful Gift Giving when Budgets are Tight On My Nice List.

That was a long walk together. So if you listen to Lazy Genius, Kendra has some really thoughtful suggestions for how to reframe your approach to gift giving and how to make it more manageable. I thought all of her tips were so good, just like everything else she does. And if you enjoy our podcast, but you’ve not discovered the lazy genius, you will probably definitely love her.

The deal is [00:25:00] you can’t like her more than us. Okay. That’s right. Yeah. We’re laying down the law on that one. We’re your number one podcast, please. Yes,

that is it for today’s episode. Set aside some time to reflect on your stocking traditions and whether or not they’re serving you, and don’t forget to order those holiday PJs now.

Thanks for tuning in today. Use this week to get a headstart on planning for what’s ahead. And remember, don’t get it perfect. Get it going. Come follow along on Instagram at the holiday headstart. We would love to hear from you. If you liked this episode, head to Apple Podcast and leave us a review. We’ll see you here next week.