“Mom wants answers after child with ADHD receives ‘Least Likely to Pay Attention’ award.”
That was in my news feed the other day. It’s easy to look at a story like that and think the teacher is incredibly cruel. And though it seems so obvious that this was a terrible, terrible idea, I know exactly how it happened.
I’m 99% certain that award was given out of love. To be clear, I’m not arguing that it was the right thing to do! It was obviously misguided and there should be consequences for such poor judgement.
But I know what it is to be a teacher at the end of the school year. I’ve spent 9 months pouring my heart into my classroom. As I look back at the year, those same behaviors that drove me nuts also helped me come to love every one of those little nuggets.
For the teacher in question, I’m sure trying to keep that girl’s attention was a daily (hourly!) struggle. Likely, trying to keep her on-task was their main point of connection in the day.
Now that she’s moving on to another grade, the teacher remembered the headaches with love. The teacher probably recognized that the girl wasn’t behaving poorly on purpose, but the abundant energy was part of what made her unique.
That fondness for personality quirks is probably what inspired other teachers to bestow awards like Most Fashionable and Most Boy Crazy on their students. The students who once received those awards are now grown women, but those words from well-intentioned teachers left marks.
Well-intentioned or not, those awards did damage.
Here’s the Problem
Our sense of self is impacted by what we’re told about ourselves. This is particularly true for children.
When children hear things like, “He’s always happy,” or “She’s very athletic,” they begin defining themselves in those terms. We look at happiness and athleticism as positive traits, so those labels may seem valuable.
But what if the child labeled happy grows up thinking it’s not okay to ever feel sad?
What if the athlete loves painting, but doesn’t feel able to pursue that talent?
Breaking free of a label requires a fight. If the artist wants to prove that she’s also a leader, she can fight to redefine herself as an artist with leadership skills or she may find it easier to just revert back to the expected norms.
Even positive labels affect a child’s ability to grow and change.
We were probably labeled dozens–hundreds!–of times as children. Maybe none of those labels stuck with you. Maybe you still struggle to overcome some of them.
When we label someone, even with the best of intentions, we have no control over how that label is received.
A Cautionary Tale
When I was about 12, my mom said that she thought I’d grow up to become a teacher. Then, referring to my sister, said that she could grow up to do anything.
I knew my mom loved me and I knew she loved teaching. She’s the daughter of a teacher and had been one herself. This was not intended as a slight.
But what I took from that conversation was that I wasn’t dynamic enough to take on the world. In that moment, I decided there was no way I was ever going to be a teacher.
It wasn’t until I was in college that I fully came back around to my true calling. I actually had to officially change my major. And (spoiler alert!) my sister went on to be a teacher, too!
I love this quote from Jeffrey R. Holland:
We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself…Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty.
A Positive Label is Still a Label
Labels have power.
That’s what makes the end-of-the-year awards tradition so dangerous.
At best, that cute, funny certificate is another label for kids to accept or fight against.
At worst, it causes embarrassment and even genuine hurt.
You may have thoughtfully selected the Neatest Handwriting award for that one little guy in your class with amazing penmanship. Maybe you praised him all year for his handwriting. But maybe he doesn’t care about handwriting–he’s passionate about baseball.
But you chose the Best Athlete award for someone who didn’t have much to praise academically. The handwriting kid won’t know why his love for baseball goes unmentioned–even though he demonstrated that glowing penmanship by writing dozens of baseball stories this year.
What he takes from this experience is that his teacher loved the penmanship more than she loved the kid behind it. Maybe he receives the message that he shouldn’t be an athlete because his athletic skills weren’t obvious enough to be praised.
There’s no way to control how a label is received. And no matter how well-intentioned, or seemingly positive an award is, when it’s given to a child by someone else, it’s a label.
The Traditional End-Of-Year Awards
The end of the school year comes with a lot of pressure. When I started teaching, award ceremonies were part of the expected tradition in our school culture. So I fumbled around, trying to come up with something unique for each child.
The awards I selected were given out of love. My goal was to celebrate the students I’d come to adore. Like all teachers, I’d cheered my students’ successes and rallied around them when they stumbled.
I was thoughtful about the awards I chose and my heart was in the right place. But when it comes down to it, no one else should be the one to judge what should make a child feel proud, including their teacher.
Maybe Most Improved Speller’s biggest success was learning to make new friends.
Maybe Future Astronaut is most proud of trying hard at math.
Maybe Biggest Chatterbox feels she worked really hard at NOT talking!
Making it Meaningful
All of this is why we’re abandoning the traditional end-of-year awards.
Instead of finding a cute, unique award to give each child, we’re giving a meaningful award instead.
Or, rather, we’re letting our students choose a meaningful award for themselves.
Because if we want to give awards that genuinely honor our students, the students needs to be the one to determine how they’ve succeeded.
Why not let each child determine what makes him or her feel proud?
Have a discussion with your class, revisiting the ups and downs of the year. Then give students the chance to reflect and determine the awards they feel they’ve earned. It’s simple to do and we’ll walk you through it!
We created a free Looking Back resource to help you do this meaningful exercise with your class.
In the download, we include instructions for using the resource. There are materials to help you lead a class discussion and a page for each student to reflect on their progress this year.
Then, if you wish, you can allow the each student to choose an award they feel they’ve earned this year. You can even give them the option to create a completely personalized award to celebrate their accomplishment. It’s okay if more than one child selects the same award because they all have unique reasons why they deserve that award.
How much more meaningful for parents to see what their child feels genuinely proud of. How much more meaningful for students to reflect on their actual accomplishments!
We’ve included a few themes to choose from, including a clean design that’s perfect for older students.
Click here to download the Looking Back Reflection Awards.
Thank you for the grace that you’re giving those teachers; I, too, wondered if that award was given out of good intentions. My highly gifted child once got the “What Did He Say?” award and I marveled at how well that teacher knew my boy. It never crossed my mind that it was insensitive or mean-spirited.
I’m loving the empowerment behind the reflection idea you’ve shared. Thank you for this rich food for thought!
This really resonated with me. How do we access the Looking Back resource you mentioned?
Click the yellow button and you will be prompted to enter your email address. Then the resource will be emailed to you immediately. If you have any trouble email me at [email protected]
The download doe snot work, and I have received no e-mail.
I e-mailed you Sherry. If you don’t see it, check your Spam folder.
I’m on the fence with this. I can see your point, although I have never thought about awards in that way. As a kid, when I received specific awards like that, I was proud of what I was being recognized for but it never made me feel like I wasn’t good or well known for something else as well; you just can’t get an award For everything. Being praised for one thing didn’t make me feel self conscious or sad about another area of my life. My school only gives awards for honor roll, Merit roll, and perfect attendance. Not getting an award, as many students don’t, speaks volumes too. So I’ve been perusing TPT for some end of the year awards. But this award will work very nicely, and I thank you for it! You have given me something to think about with your viewpoint but my gut reaction is that an award (as long as it isn’t sarcastic or cruel) doesn’t really impact a kid that much. I feel like it’s an area for them to be proud of, not something that’s going to push them in a whole new direction of their likes and dislikes.
These are wonderful! ….I have always avoided the end-of-year awards tradition for many reasons (some of the reasons you mention above). There are times we talk about the great growth we have all made (I use growth mindset strategies all year), but this resource is great. Thanks for sharing.
I am only giving a certificate for how many books they read this year. The attendance certificates will be in their grade cards.
I have cut out paper balloons with each student’s name. At the end of the school year each student writes a word/ phrase to describe their peer. On the balloon. We may brainstorm ideas of words/ phrases like “funny, artistic, good at math”. I love to watch the students really think and write something positive and personal to their classmates. They look at words already written and try to write something unique. I am currently teaching first grade and can easily use at any grade level.
I completely agree with this article. I have a daughter who is a very quiet girl, and that’s all she ever gets recognized for. Now that she’s a senior, she got the award “Silent but deadly” at her choir banquet. The momma bear in me sometimes wants to shout, “Has anyone ever gotten to know her? Do you know she’s smart, funny, insanely creative, and has a contagious laugh (among other positive qualities)?” I don’t like that all she ever hears about herself is that she’s quiet, but I know the awards are well-intentioned.
I LOVE the idea of asking kids to reflect and come up with their own positive qualities for the year!
I love these. My only question…is there a non-pdf version that can be edited? When I opened the email, everything was a pdf and I can have the kids personalize them except for by handwriting things in.
Sorry, no editable version because of graphics and such. But you should be able to handwrite in what you need!
I”m very proud of my girls and their hard work at school and the many awards they got at the end of each school year. Still, I always told them that they can skip the award ceremony if they choose to.
What about the kids who didn’t get one? Think of the kids who have an alcoholic dad or an abusive mom, an orphan who has many struggles in life and yet make a lowA or Bs on his/her report?? Don’t they deserve an award for their achievements??? I always told my daughters that these kids deserve many awards more anybody else who was lucky to have educated parents and the resources at home to succeed. I hope that schools would stop end of school awards and celebrate all students alike.
This resonated with me as a parent and an educator. Especially about the positive labels. I love this idea of bestowing ownership on the child to determine success.
Yes!
I came to this same conclusion recently! Let them consider their own journeys and determine what has meaning for themselves.
If we must give awards, let’s give them for Curious Student, or Creative Thinker. Something to inspire the student to reach higher for him/herself.
I love any quote by Jeffrey R. Holland. I agree with your article.
Great article, thanks!
I am wondering if it is time to look at a lot of things we do to encourage and praise out students. I have never been a fan of these types of awards at all for many reasons. If you are one of those who never get any you learn quickly where your place is in life or you work harder but even having said that it is just another label. WE are so quick to see the kids who fit a certain picture we have as teachers but what about those who just need to be seen and heard. Some of these kids don’t ask for it an a positive way and so they also get labeled as……. Stickers and charts have their place but little Johnny already knows he does not do well in spelling of math without seeing it on the chart every day he is in class. Every child is unique and deserve to be seen as that in a positive sense. with the end of the year coming it is so hard at times to remember that kids need to know they are loved and accepted for who they are and not for what they can do or haw they behave. Awards and labels to me are just the opposite sides of the same coin. Just jumble thoughts from one of those kids who did not get the awards and did not get the gold stars.