How To Decide if Your Holiday Traditions Still Work For You [Episode 24]

[00:00:00] Heidi: Welcome to the Holiday Head Start Podcast, where we get intentional about kicking overwhelm to the curb and bringing the joy back to your holidays and every day. I’m Heidi, and I’m Emily. We’re two sisters and former elementaries.

 

And we’re here to help you do the same. Join us each week as we share how, with a little planning and a little prep, you can ensure that the days that make life special don’t become the days that make you stressed. You can check out the show notes at theholidayheadstart. com. Ready to get a head start on your holidays?

 

Let’s go!

 

Hey

 

there friends. Welcome back to the holiday headstart podcast. Today we are reflecting on our holiday traditions and sharing a get ahead tip for managing gifts.

 

But first,

 

[00:00:58] Emily: we have a tradition spotlight.

 

Traditions are an important tool in building a healthy, happy, connected life.

 

This week, Heidi is sharing a tradition.

 

[00:01:08] Heidi: Well, I can’t take credit for this. It’s not one I’ve tried, but I Came across this idea on Instagram from it’s good by twenties. And I thought it was so darling. She suggests having a room party where each kid gets to host a picnic dinner of their choice in their bedroom, followed by their choice of a game or activity.

 

And I love how simple, but how magical this is now assuming your kid doesn’t want crazy food for dinner, it’s really not that much extra work, but what an impact it would have. I tried to put myself in my. Back in my childhood bedroom, and it would have blown my mind to have my family having a picnic in my bedroom.

 

I’m, that would have been something I remembered my whole life.

 

[00:01:53] Emily: Yeah, that’s such a fun idea. Like you said, if I imagine us doing that when we were kids, that seems like it would have been such a wild memory. It’s like, wow, that’s so cool. So my younger two would definitely still be into that.

 

I’m not sure that my, uh, 14, almost 15 year olds would think that’s super fun, but hopefully we could get her on board for the younger too. Maybe we’ll have to try that. Yeah. I’d love to hear how it goes. We’d love to hear about your favorite traditions. Come join us on Instagram at the holiday headstart.

 

[00:02:24] Heidi: Today we are talking about something that might seem a little out of season, but trust us, it is the perfect time for it. We are talking about. Christmas traditions.

 

[00:02:35] Emily: Wait, wait, don’t roll your eyes. We know you’re probably not in the mood to talk about Christmas right now, but I promise there’s a method to our madness.

 

At least this time.

 

[00:02:45] Heidi: Right. We got it this

 

[00:02:46] Emily: time. At least February, my friends is actually the perfect time to take a step back and reflect on how your family does the holidays and whether it’s time for a change.

 

[00:02:58] Heidi: Think about life in December. It’s not that long ago, probably still pretty fresh. Everything blurs together.

 

There’s the parties, dealing with travel logistics, and stressing about whether or not you can get overnight shipping on that toy that your kid just asked Santa for at the last minute. Now, at some point in the middle of that seasonal whirlwind, did you find yourself saying, next year will be different?

 

[00:03:24] Emily: If you don’t say that at least once in December, are you even human? But then what happens, right? We get to January and we’re exhausted. All the things we swore would be different next year are already fading from memory. If we want next year to be different, we have to actually do something to make it different.

 

So let’s use February to make our December a little different.

 

[00:03:45] Heidi: You can reflect on your holiday traditions at any point in the year. So why did we pick February? Well, in the thick of the holidays, right? We’re running on adrenaline, sugar, and a lot of caffeine. We’re just trying to make it through the month and hopefully avoid any major drama. But now that we’re in February, we’ve got some space between us and all of the chaos.

 

Hopefully,

 

[00:04:06] Emily: the holiday hangover has worn off by now, but the memories are also hopefully still fresh enough that you can really reflect on your family’s traditions. This is going to be much easier to do eight weeks after Christmas than it will be 28 weeks after Christmas. Trust us.

 

[00:04:23] Heidi: Traditions are a lot of the reason that December is so magical, but they’re also the things that can quickly tip into overwhelm.

 

So, basically a tradition is any activity that you repeat, so it’s likely that your holiday is full of big traditions, like your Christmas morning routine, and tiny ones, like choosing one gift to open on Christmas Eve.

 

[00:04:45] Emily: One of those traditions takes a lot more work than the other, but either of them, or any of the other traditions that go into your holiday celebrations, might be causing friction when you just want to have fun.

 

[00:04:56] Heidi: The important thing to remember is that just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. You can stop doing anything at any point.

 

[00:05:06] Emily: That’s easier said than done though, of course. The point of traditions is that they are repeated. So it can be hard to tease out whether something is a hassle, but worth continuing because it has a purpose, or if really it’s just time to let it go.

 

[00:05:21] Heidi: The solution to that tricky question is to remember that traditions are supposed to serve you, not the other way around. If you are holding on to something because it’s, quote, what we’ve always done, but deep down it doesn’t quite feel as special as it used to, it’s probably time to try something new.

 

[00:05:40] Emily: By the time you get to the end of December, you might be tempted to throw out everything you’ve ever done.

 

And I understand that feeling. So let’s use this February space and consider what’s working, what’s not, and how we can simplify without losing the meaning behind what matters most.

 

[00:05:55] Heidi: Right. We are all about making your holidays easier and more joyful, not adding more stress. To help with our reflection, let’s hop over to the Holiday Head Start playbook where, guess what?

 

There’s a page just to help you evaluate any tradition that’s causing you grief.

 

[00:06:13] Emily: Think of your family traditions. You’re not limited to Christmas, but since Christmas celebrations are tied to so many traditions, it’s likely you’ve got one or two there that are creating headaches.

 

Choose one of those traditions to evaluate.

 

[00:06:27] Heidi: And then we’re going to use six key questions and maybe throw in a few smaller questions to get our thoughts. First, we need to think about what’s important. We always start here because if we don’t have the answer to this question, then none of the other questions matter.

 

[00:06:42] Emily: So when you’re considering what’s important about this particular tradition, start by revisiting that purpose statement we wrote back in the fall. If that purpose statement still resonates with you, use it as a filter to help you know which traditions to keep and which to release.

 

[00:06:59] Heidi: If your purpose statement doesn’t resonate with you anymore, tweak it and then come back to this step.

 

Doing things like holiday traditions without a guiding purpose is just making you busier, but not any happier.

 

[00:07:11] Emily: Yeah, we can’t do everything, so let’s spend our time on the things that are worth doing. It’s important to recognize if a tradition is creating the type of holiday experiences that you want to have.

 

[00:07:22] Heidi: If a tradition isn’t creating those experiences, ideally you can decide just to be done with it. But of course, it’s not always that simple. So let’s take a look at our second key question. Who is involved in this tradition? If this is a tradition that you don’t like, but it is tied to a core memory of your husband’s childhood Christmases, this might not be something that you can just drop without causing some real hurt.

 

[00:07:47] Emily: We also need to consider if the number of people involved needs to increase or decrease. Or who else can help take over some of the work?

 

Involving people in our traditions is what makes them meaningful, but that’s also why they can be hard to manage.

 

[00:08:02] Heidi: After considering the purpose of this tradition and who’s involved, we need to reflect on the opportunity cost. So that means is that everything that we say yes to, It means we have to say no to something else.

 

So what are you giving up in order to say yes to this tradition?

 

Maybe your sister in law hosts a cookie exchange the second Saturday in December and you don’t really care about it. Saying yes to this tradition means you’re giving up one of the last Saturdays you have before Christmas. And there are lots of things you could be doing with that time.

 

Yes, Saturdays in December are precious, precious time. However, if you say no to this tradition, you run the risk of damaging your relationship with your sister in law. Maybe a heart to heart discussion would help her understand where you’re coming from.

 

[00:08:49] Heidi: Or maybe she’ll feel like you betrayed her. Maybe it’s worth doing the cookie exchange to protect the relationship. Or maybe you’d be better off explaining your feelings and letting her deal with her disappointment. Either of those options is valid, but they are both tricky to navigate.

 

[00:09:06] Emily: And that’s probably why we put off evaluating our traditions.

 

It seems like it should be a straightforward process, but when you dig into it, there are a lot of feelings involved with traditions. That doesn’t mean we should skip this exercise though. It just means we need to carefully consider the outcomes before we make changes.

 

[00:09:25] Heidi: And that brings us to our fourth question.

 

What is the payoff? If this tradition benefits you and your loved ones, it’s probably worth continuing, but it might need a few tweaks to make it manageable.

 

[00:09:37] Emily: You don’t need to scrap a tradition just because it was a little too much. That’s why the payoff question is so helpful. If the payoff isn’t worth the cost in time, money, and energy, then it might be time to let it go.

 

But if the effort is worth the result, then keep doing it and just find a way to make it easier to manage. Which leads

 

[00:09:55] Heidi: us to our fifth question. How can I troubleshoot this tradition? Do you need to adjust who’s involved? Can you invite more people to help with the work? Maybe you turn your New Year’s Eve party into a potluck so that you aren’t stuck preparing food for 20 people.

 

Or maybe you need to add some different games to the family party because the teens are bored doing what you’ve always done in the past.

 

[00:10:17] Emily: Or maybe you can move your tradition to a different time of year. Yes, a family sledding day is a lot of fun in December, but maybe you could move it to January instead.

 

Then you have the fun of sledding without the stress of Christmas thrown in.

 

[00:10:30] Heidi: So this is exactly what we are trying to do with our shepherd’s supper. Not sledding. So this is a tradition that Emily and I grew up doing, and it’s something we’ve always done in December. We actually grew up doing it on Christmas Eve, and we moved it to a different day in December.

 

Because Christmas Eve was already too crazy. And now we’re thinking, hmm, maybe this needs to get moved from December altogether. So we make the kids dress up in Bible costumes and we have a floor picnic where we light candles and eat chicken skewers and oranges and pistachios and other Mediterranean inspired foods.

 

We’re very inspired, inspired. It’s what the kids will eat. Yes. It seems like it might fit. We’re not too picky, but it is always a magical night. And I like to do it up big with lanterns and wooden dishes and make a whole scene of it. So that makes it a lot of work. And it’s a lot of work in December. So this year we are trying to move it to Easter to see if it works better.

 

And I’m hoping that it works well with Easter. Because I realized it was such a relief not to do it in December. I don’t think I had even realized how much it was adding to my stress until I didn’t have to do it this year. Despite the work, this is really one of my favorite traditions. I don’t want to give up on it altogether, but doing it at a calmer time of year really would make it much more manageable.

 

[00:11:53] Emily: Yeah. So we’ll see what we think. All right. With all of that in mind, let’s consider our final question. Given what I know, is this tradition worth doing? Here’s the beauty of this process. You get to decide what stays and what goes no guilt, no shame, just what works for you and your family.

 

[00:12:11] Heidi: It’s okay if it’s time to be done with something you love.

 

Even though it might be sad, consider the opportunity cost. By saying no to something that’s not serving you anymore, you get to say yes to something new and wonderful that’s better suited for your current needs.

 

[00:12:28] Emily: The beauty of family traditions is that they evolve. They don’t need to be set in stone.

 

We’re after meaningful, not perfect. So this February, use our guiding questions to help you zero in on what really matters in this season of your life.

 

[00:12:43] Heidi: The nice thing about tackling this now is that you’ve got plenty of time to make changes without all of the pressure of December looming over you. You can think about what you really want from your holiday celebrations.

 

[00:12:56] Emily: Plus, it gives you a long runway for talking to your family about any changes you want to make.

 

People are much more receptive to change if they have plenty of time to get used to the idea.

 

[00:13:07] Heidi: All right, so where should you start with all of this reflecting? If you haven’t done your February holiday yet, go ahead and tack this onto your to do list for that day.

 

[00:13:18] Emily: If that won’t work, choose 10 minutes, maybe over a cup of coffee, and think about what you want your holidays to look like next year.

 

Is there something you’d like to add, change, or even scrap entirely? Do you want to start a new tradition? Once you know which parts of your holiday celebrations need a deeper look, pull up those six questions, And write down your answers. What’s important about this tradition? Who’s involved? What’s the opportunity cost?

 

What’s the payoff? How can I troubleshoot this? And given what I know, is this worth doing?

 

[00:13:50] Heidi: And don’t feel like you have to do this all alone. Talk to your partner, your kids, your extended family, or anyone else who’s involved with your traditions.

 

Maybe there’s a collective desire to shake things up a little, and they’ll be relieved that someone finally said what they’ve all been thinking.

 

[00:14:05] Emily: We get attached to certain things, especially things that brought us joy in the past. It can feel weird to change them, but honestly if it’s not serving you, why doing it.

 

This isn’t about ruining the magic of the holidays. It’s about being intentional with your time and energy so you can really enjoy the moments that matter most.

 

[00:14:24] Heidi: Our goal is for our holidays to be about connection, not stress. Traditions are there to bring people together and to make shared memories.

 

[00:14:32] Emily: If they’re not doing that anymore, it might be time for a refresh and February is the perfect month to do it.

 

So let us know. Have you ever reevaluated a family tradition after the holidays? What changes have you made or what new traditions have you started? We’d love to hear all about it. Connect with us on Instagram at the Holiday Head Start.

 

Now it’s time for a Get Ahead Start tip. Each week we leave you with a small, actionable tip to help you get a head start on your holiday planning.

 

[00:15:02] Emily: This week’s Get Ahead Start tip is make wish lists for yourself and your family. Tell us more about it, Heidi. Well, I

 

[00:15:08] Heidi: would love to. In last week’s episode, we mentioned that one way you can get ahead in February is to start wish lists for family members. The nice thing about the wish list page in the Holiday Head Start Playbook Is that even if you’re not ready to start thinking of specific gift ideas, it gives you a place to record what each person likes.

 

That way you can kind of keep things in the back of your mind so that you are ready to go when it’s time to shop. Or when you stumble on the perfect thing, you can just grab it right then. But another tool that can help you is Amazon’s lists tool. You can set up a wishlist for each person in your family and add to it over time.

 

Now, this means that you can add items as you think of them instead of scrambling to come up with a bunch all at once in December.

 

[00:15:52] Emily: Oh yeah. I have these set up. So whenever I see something that one of my kids would like, I add it to their list immediately so that I don’t forget.

 

And making wishlists also means you can watch for price drops and sales, which has been really good for me in the past. Items on Amazon are often listed as being on sale, but it’s hard to know if the price they’re showing is an actual sale price. A wishlist lets you watch items over time to get a sense of what’s a normal price and what’s actually sale price.

 

[00:16:21] Heidi: And the nice thing about an Amazon list is that it’s easy to share with family members. If grandma needs an idea for little Billy’s birthday, you can just send her the list and let her decide instead of having to curate a bunch of ideas for her, which is a whole lot of extra work that you don’t want to do.

 

[00:16:38] Emily: And don’t forget to set up a list for yourself. If you’re like me, whenever someone asks what I want as a gift, my mind goes completely blank. Adding to your wishlist when you come across something you like makes it more likely you’ll get a gift you actually want. Which is a win for everyone, honestly.

 

[00:16:56] Heidi: All right, Em, let’s share what we’re working on this week. As a way to keep ourselves accountable and give you some ideas of what you can do in advance for your own celebrations, we are sharing what we’re working on this week. Emily, what is on your to do list this week? Oh, I

 

[00:17:11] Emily: am ordering for St. Patrick’s Day. I like to do this really early. Now I don’t do much for St.

 

Patrick’s Day, but I do put out a little pot of gold candy. So I need to order Rolos and Reese’s in gold wrappers. Yes. And I need to pick up a box of lucky charms because I’ve learned that you do want to do this early. They become hard to find in mid March. Yeah, that’s really good to keep in mind.

 

What’s on your to do list, Heidi?

 

[00:17:40] Heidi: I need to retire my delivery driver tray that I have outside. I just had so much stuff. I had stocked it so well that I’ve just left it out because what am I going to do with all of this? Like, you know, chips and water bottles and candy bars.

 

So all, where are we halfway almost done with February, it’s still out there, ran out of chips, but I still have a ton of candy bars, but I think that’s so

 

[00:18:05] Emily: funny. The candy bars were the first to go out of mine.

 

[00:18:10] Heidi: I think I just had, I bought too much cause I got two boxes and I, I get so compared to what.

 

Boxes have to come to your house for your gift giving. Yes. I get way, way less. So I think I only need one box of candy bars. So I have made a note of that for this year when I buy candy bars, just get the one box.

 

[00:18:27] Emily: Makes sense. To wrap up the show, we’re sharing what’s on our nice lists. Heidi, what’s on your nice list this week?

 

[00:18:35] Heidi: I’m putting the new season of Traders on my nice list if you haven’t seen it before. It’s such a fun show. It’s so good. I love this season. If you ever played like the mafia game or werewolf, yeah, this is a TV version of that. It’s just something that these crazy challenges, but they don’t know who’s the trader and who’s faithful and how many there are and trying to get each other out.

 

And, I like that in the U S. It’s the U. S. version of Traders because there’s lots of, I’ve seen the Australian version and the UK version. I know there’s a Dutch version, but I haven’t watched that one. That it’s all like reality stars. So I don’t get too sad when someone gets voted off. It’s not like, yes, they needed to win because they’re going to build a house for their sick mom or something.

 

Yes. I can’t handle that. But this, yeah, I don’t have to feel bad for reality stars, housewives, lady person from the Survivor game,

 

[00:19:29] Emily: whatever. Go. See you. Good luck. Plus, they’re so good with all the drama, so it makes it so much more interesting. Plus Alan Cumming as the host, so perfect. Perfect. And the most epic wardrobe

 

[00:19:43] Heidi: Yes. I heard he gets to keep all of those clothes That’s in his contract. He gets to keep it.

 

[00:19:46] Emily: Oh, well done, Alan. Good thinking. He just, he

 

[00:19:50] Heidi: really plays into the drama and the overtop camp of it all. It’s very fun. Yes, yes. All right, Emily,

 

[00:19:56] Emily: what is on your nice

 

[00:19:57] Heidi: list?

 

[00:19:58] Emily: Well, in a little bit of a different direction, I’m putting the new season of severance on my nice list.

 

And this show is probably not for everyone. And I haven’t watched it for years because I thought it would be too intense. I actually am glad I waited though, because then I could watch season one and then start right on season two because everybody else had to wait a really long time. I think it was at least.

 

two years between season one and season two, because there was like the writer’s strike and all this stuff. So anyway, with the new season coming out, I was like, I’m just going to try this. And I got sucked right in. Oh man, I watched the whole first season in a week and I’m loving season two just as much.

 

It is wild. Like the most recent episode, Holy cow, it was, I’m like, what just happened? What is going on? This is so wild. So I just feel like it’s so different than any show I’ve ever watched and I love the characters and I’m totally into it. So. Watch severance and then message me and we can talk about it.

 

[00:20:54] Heidi: Yeah, I’ll have to, I’ve been chicken to watch it, so , maybe if

 

[00:20:58] Emily: I watch it during the daytime and not for bed. Yes. I, I found I could not watch it. Like I would watch it at night after the kids went to bed and then I would have like wild dreams . So now I have a rule that I can like watch it while they’re at school or something, but it has to be earlier in the day so that my mind can.

 

Process it all not while I’m trying to sleep because yeah, that makes sense, but I don’t, I don’t find it scary. It’s just like intense and kind of like what’s going on. This is, it’s a, it’s like a psychological thriller kind of. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I’ll have to give it a try. Please do.

 

[00:21:35] Heidi: That’s it for today’s episode.

 

Schedule some time to reflect on your holiday traditions while you’ve got plenty of time to adapt them. And don’t forget our get a head start tip to set up Amazon wishlist for you and your loved ones.

 

[00:21:53] Emily: Thanks for tuning in today. Use this week to get a head start on planning for what’s ahead. And remember, don’t get it perfect, get it going. Come follow along on Instagram at theholidayheadstart. We would love to hear from you. If you liked this episode, head to Apple Podcasts and leave us a review. We’ll see you here next week.